Hmmmm...it was brought to my attention recently that it has been a while since I last posted on here. I was a little dubious, but then I logged on and I think my eyes bugged out when I saw the date of my last post. Not that I have a spotless record for communications of any sort. I think the thing was that it just seemed like it had been no time at all. Things have really picked up and filled up since I started working, not surprisingly. The days pass so quickly.
Mostly these days, I must confess, I am tired. I am tired at every level. My body feels disconnected from my spirit. My mind is hiding from itself. This is not a new theme for me. But, it is nonetheless true. I think that I may be in the midst of another little slump; again, not a new theme for me. What is new is trying not to be shocked and appalled that I cannot constantly be Little Mary Sunshine, to accept this as part of the journey that is chronic, rather than episodic, depression. I want to be able to commit to take care of myself in all the ways that I can: to get enough sleep, to eat well, to exercise, to be quiet and journal and spend lots of time dancing (my free therapy). It's just hard. It's hard to be disciplined when your spirit feels unwell. It's hard to be accountable to people when you have a hard time trusting. It's hard to keep reaching out through the dark and to keep believing that, eventually, something will be there, reaching back to you.
Next time, I'd like to try to leave you with another poem. The last one is still in revision. It's a good goal to set.
Be well, readers. Be good to yourselves. Care for your souls.
S.
1 comment:
Well, you're doing exponentially better than I am; I gave up so long that I don't think anyone checks anymore, and I don't want to just talk out into the dark.
Anyway, I was thinking we should chat some time as it has been longer past than your last blog post since we talked. Dave is here for the week/end, but Monday?
Post a Comment