Okay, I know I said that this would be a quiet month (and it has been, yes?) but we have to do at least a little something to commemorate a very important anniversary. June 8 marks the one year anniversary of my arrival in Buffalo, remember? Remember the grueling road trip and my family's one night stay in our Lafayette apartment before I whisked them off to the airport at 6:00 AM the next day? Oh yeah, good times. And, even more importantly, as we all know, the first anniversary is the paper anniversary!! Very special. I will celebrate by giving myself...a printed copy of this blog entry. Or a paper hat! Or a paper crane! Okay, enough of that.
I think it's funny to be commemorating my anniversary in this particular month, as it is once again a time of transition. Last year--new job and new place to live. This year, new job and new place to live. Don't worry Buffalo, I'm not leaving you, just relocating up and over a block. But as always, for me at least, anniversaries are times to reflect and this one is no exception.
Oh Buffalo, Buffalo, you've been so good to me. I remember the most striking thing to me about life when I first moved here is that I felt like I was getting to do everything I had always wanted to do, all at once. Planting a garden, learning to play the guitar, eating ethnic food any time I wanted to, learning to swing dance. It was magical. And, really, I think that that has been characteristic of my life since then. I remember talking to my sister on the phone once and she said that my life sounded "glamourous." Well, besides being one of the highlights of my life thus far (because who doesn't want the kind of life their little sister will envy?) it's actually kind of true. We should label June 2008--June 2009 the year of trying new things or maybe just the year of doing whatever I wanted to do (if you can come up with something catchier, please go ahead. cause that was not catchy). I have so much freedom in my life right now, and I've been able to do so much. Let's not forget the introduction of Argentine tango into my life, lots of choral concerts, the ballet and other dance performances at UB, becoming a yoga devotee and a Real Dancer. If I want to do things now, I do them. And, more than that, I look for things that I want to do rather than just waiting for someone else to come up with an idea. This often backfires on me because a lot of times other people don't really want to do the things I'm doing, but in those cases, I do them by myself.
And that in itself is something. When I moved here, if I didn't have people to do things with, I just didn't do anything. And, oh hell, I'm just going to say it, even though it sounds all sorts of arrogant: I think it's brave of me to go and do things by myself. Seriously, there are a lot of people who go there whole lives without ever being able to do that. And I think it's brave that I can try new things as well. I've met so many people who say "I can't" without even taking the faintest stab at something. But isn't life much more boring when you just stick to what you already know? I think this year has also been the year of becoming brave, which is ironic, since in the midst of becoming brave, circumstances have often conspired to scare the shit out of me. (Remember when we caught that guy watching us through the window? Remember when somebody set that car on fire on our street? Yep. Good times.)Maybe not so much not being afraid of things that are actually threatening, but of becoming not afraid of being alone. More than that, even being able to embrace the aloneness and recognize the ways that it nourishes me.
However, it would not be a fair surmise of this year if I failed to mention how incredibly frustrating and horrible my job was. Obviously, this is an experience that I hope not to repeat. But you know, even though I felt in so many ways that my job wasn't pushing me, I was learning things. I think I feel much more confident of myself as an adult now, if that makes any sense. I've developed an ability to approach people in work situations with an attitude that's more like, "Hey, how are you? I'm here to do X and I know how to do it and I can do it well." This is entirely different than that feeling I used to get when I would first have to approach people, you know the one I'm talking about, where you're around people who are clearly not taking you seriously and you feel about 4 yrs. old and generally just want to throw a tantrum because everyone is being so gosh darn patronizing. I think a large part of growing past that feeling comes from learning that these so-called "adults" are often no more knowledgeable or mature than you, and oftentimes less. I have made presentations to large groups, dealt with unruly high schoolers, spoken my mind in opposition to other points of view at meetings, and along the way I've even learned a few of thems that you'd call marketable skills. Not bad for a year of labor. And, just the thing to give me the confidence to equip me for my new job.
What? New job? What new job? Well, I'd love to tell you all about it, but that will just have to wait for another post...
So thank you Buffalo, for a fine, fine year of growing, stretching, and trying new things. I know we had some harsh words round about March when it looked like the whole winter thing was never going to end, but I think we've both moved on from that, and it must be said, you've grown on me. Let's drink to another year of lovely life in the lovely Queen City...
S.
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