Taking Stock

Well, well, well. A whole month of non-posting. You know, I am making a concerted effort to notice my readers less, and I believe in blogging without obligation, but I do wish there was a way I could have posted in the month of December. It was manic, maybe more than I really wanted it to be. For instance, I got my latest Netflix movie on December second and it went back in the mail TODAY because I watched it LAST NIGHT! When my commitment to getting my money's worth on Netflix wavers, you know it's jumpin up in here. (In passing, I don't know that I really understand all the hype around The Maltese Falcon, but, having seen it, so many cultural references have become clear to me).

But December was a fantastic month. There was egg nog. There was a massive baking spree, including peppermint bark, cashew toffee, pumpkin bread, banana cherry chocolate chip bread, and fruitcake cookies. My pseudo-help at the theatre somehow turned the corner into real help very swiftly, which I enjoyed down to my marrow. There was a grand total of 73 Christmas cards to be sent. There was the searching for and giving of gifts. There was a trip home, with the best seats at the Nutcracker that I've ever had, a brand new haircut, and quality time with the fam. There was a wild day of gift opening, Christmas movie watching, and EATING. And yet, even for all that, I wish there could be more. I wish I could watch The Grinch again. I wish I could dance to Manneheim Steamroller one more time. And oh, I wish that ballet had gone on forever.

But tonight, my friends, tonight is New Year's Eve. The time of looking forward, not only looking back. Oh, 2009, I really liked you a lot. And here is the biggest gift I think you've given me: I think I'm starting to learn how to be with people. How to be social, how to be friendly, how to make eye contact, how to make phone calls to strangers. Maybe for some people this is small, but then I say, you guys must not be introverted. Cause this is tough stuff for us. Respect it! Also, gratitude. I think I have grown in gratitude this year, in recognizing the beauty around me, and the absolutely enviable richness of my life. This leads to contentment. And let me tell you folks, that's a fine way to live.

But 2010, I've got big plans for you! You do not even know! You are an important number, the end of a decade. So, big ideas.

I don't really believe in New Year's Resolutions, because I feel like those mostly lead to disappointment and heartbreak. I believe in guiding directions. In intentional living. So, with that in mind, here are two intentional directions for 2010:

1. Eating organic food. I can afford to do it. I know why it's important. So what's stopping me. From now on, nothing. Although this could get dicey. Sometimes, the difference in price between conventionally grown and organic is ridonkulous. What kind of discrepancy is enough to justify one over the other? I don't know, and I don't want to be rigid about this. The point is just that, by the end of the year, I want to be buying more organic foods than I do right now.
2. Honesty. This is kind of big for me. I feel like I have too much of a tendency to try my best, without even thinking about it, to tell people what I think they want to hear. I worry so much about how people perceive me, whether I look smart enough or cool enough or spiritual enough or bohemian enough or artsy enough or professional enough. That's dumb. I am a work in progress, but where I am now is enough for today. I want to be intentional about responding from my truest self (whatever that is), and people can like it or not.

Okay, that's it. Nothing too fancy. Nothing for me to spend the next 365 days beating myself up about. Just a direction to move towards. I have some little goals too, that live on my white board instead of the blogosphere. Doing yoga twice a week, taking time to write in my journal book things, spending time practicing on a certain Christmas present, posting on the blog. You can extrapolate from that how successful I am at meeting those other goals. But those are pursuits, and they are laid back because you fall off that bandwagon all the time, but if you don't take it too seriously, there's no stress in climbing back on. That's how I like it. Loose and easy.

Time to ring in the New Year with champagne, cheap Chinese food, and possibly some strange and wonderful You Tube videos. That's what we did last year. That makes it a tradition. Hooray! I'll take my constancy where I can get it.

Welcome, 2010. I see good things for us.