Intentional Play

So, in my short hiatus, I have been trying to think more clearly about what I want this space to be. Not what sort of theme it should have or anything like that, since as we've already established, that's impossible. But what purpose I want it to serve in my life. I think that what I want is for this to be a place of play. I think in the past I've been focused too much on what imaginary other people want from this space, whether they think my thoughts are deep and interesting, whether I talk about dance or Gourmet magazine too often, whether I come off sounding cool and intellectual enough. This is absurdity. I am not a famous blogger, with lots of readers and ads and honorable mention in the New York Times. I don't really think I have that many readers to speak of. So, those of you who have mentioned to me that you read this blog, I love you and I'm so happy you're interested enough in my life to keep coming back here, and I would love for you to keep reading but from now on, I want to be more intentional about pretending that you're not there. By which I mean, I want to free myself from the constraints of "The Watchers," my imaginary people's imaginary opinions about me. Nobody has ever told me that I talk about dance too often. I made that up, a critique that I've been responding to in the way that I go about blogging, that no one ever said to me! And this is my space, and I want to use it for whatever creative action I see fit on a given day.

That being said, I want to start being more intentional about my writing again. It's kind of a long and ridiculous and boringly psychological story, but when I started to be serious about dancing, I felt like writing was something I would have to give up. Like I could only choose one art form or I would be betraying my pursuit of greatness. Well, fortunately I realized that this is silly and I don't want to pursue greatness anyway. But I do think (having been exposed to some really bad writing recently) that I do have some small gift with writing, and I think to just toss it aside is disrespectful, bad stewardship and all that. So, again, I am committing to play, not to post a finished essay every other week, but with intentionality. Intentionality towards those little stories that are happening all around me. Mine and yours.

Okay, that's all for today. Let's play again soon.