I have been thinking a lot lately, and by lately I mean the last two years, rather than perhaps the last two weeks, about my current state of singleness. I think what really made me start thinking about it was the entrance of my sister and her friends into adolesence, with the accompanying yearnings for boy-type affection. I remember having those feelings, but distantly, like maybe back in middle school and early high school. By my second year of high school I had graduated into my stage of man- and marriage-hate, and it wasn't until...again, maybe the past couple of years that I have been able to graduate out of that bitter state and into one of peaceful, zen-like embrace of my present state of being. In the course of this journey, I developed a passion for helping girls, particularly younger girls with pinings for boy-type affection, to understand and embrace their state of singleness. So, just in time for Valentine's Day, I thought I'd offer a little dissertation on why I think being single is awesome.
Thankfully, these days, for me it has a lot less to do with hating men or fear of relationships than a sense of wholeness. I'd say the best summation for me of why I love being single is that I belong totally to myself. Of course, I have relationships with others and I try to give to those with whom I am in relationship, but I don't need to alter my life for anyone. In part, I think I love singleness because it allows me to nurture my selfish side. I don’t need to consult someone else on what movie to watch. I don't need to check with anyone before I make plans. I don't need people to assume that I'll always be sitting next to one particular person (this, btw, drives me absolutely up the wall, couples. I'd be so happy if you would cut this out).
On the other hand, I love that when I am with others I am completely with them, I can fully engage with a whole group of people and I belong to each of the people in that group in a way that I would not if I was attached to one particular person. With guys especially, I don’t feel compelled to go “shopping,” I can just make friends. I can approach people without expecting anything from them, without sizing them up or trying to impress anybody. It’s freeing.
Now, all of that being said, I am not married to the idea of being single (pun obviously intended). I want to be open to wherever life takes me, not stuck in my expectations of where I think I should go. But I am all about living in the moment, and I feel deeply satisfied and joyful to be where I am, right here and now. And I think that’s a pretty cool thing.
So please hear me, dear wee women out there, just in case you ever chance to stumble on this little blog. You are whole. You are enough. You are beautiful, even if nobody is asking you out on a date. There is nothing wrong with you. Embrace all that you are in this very singular time of your life. Use it to discover yourself, to find your wings. And don't be jealous of the girls who do have boyfriends, you do not need that kind of drama. Let your affirmation come from your community. There are many different kinds of love. So look around--you are already beloved.
All of that to say, I hope that you are having, as I am, a very Happy Valentine’s Day!
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